Animal Jokes 动物笑话大集锦 - 给力英语
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Animal Jokes 动物笑话大集锦

发布:englishfan    时间:2008-08-06 16:18:25     浏览:2455次    [划词翻译已启用]
Once upon a time there was a cruise ship sailing1. On board, a magician was giving a show to some passengers. The magician always had a parrot2 on his shoulder. Whenever the magician told a joke, the parrot would give it away3. One time the magician had a knife, he spun4 it around and it disappeared! The parrot said, “It’s in his pocket, it’s in his pocket”. The crowd booed5 him because the parrot gave it away. The next trick he did, he waved a wand around and it vanished.6 Again, the parrot said, “It’s up his sleeve! It’s up his sleeve!” The magician got mad because he couldn’t keep any of his tricks secret. The parrot kept giving them away.

One day the cruise ship sank. The magician and the parrot managed to make it to an island where they stayed for about three months when the parrot, all of a sudden, burst out7 and asked: “Ok, I give up! Where’d you hide the ship?”

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A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: “HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual8. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer9.”

A short time afterwards, a dog trotted10 up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.11

Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised. However, the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager.

The manager said, “I can’t hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type.” The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter.12 He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair.

The manager was stunned13, but then told the dog “the sign says you have to be good with a computer.” The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to enter and execute a perfect program that worked flawlessly the first time.14

By this time the manager was totally dumbfounded15! He looked at the dog and said “I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can’t give you the job.”

The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw16 on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said, “yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual.”

The dog looked at the manager calmly and said, “Meow17!”

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A giant panda went into a cafe and ordered a cheeseburger18. It sat there quietly eating the cheeseburger, then it got up, took out a gun, shot19 the waiter, and walked outside.

“Did you see that?” cried a customer. “Why did he do that?” he asked the manager. The manager looked up from the book he was leafing through20. “I’m looking it up in the dictionary,” he replied. “It says here: Panda, eats shoots and leaves21.”

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There once were three foxes. Two of them were clever, the other one was stupid. One day they were stranded22 in a desert when they saw a little shop. They went inside and the two clever foxes bought food and water and the stupid one bought a car door. When they asked him why he bought it, he said, “so that I can wind down23 the window when it gets hot.”

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Baby snake: Mommy, are we poisonous?

Mother snake: Yes honey, but why do you want to know?

Baby snake: Well, I just bit my tongue...

1. cruise ship: 游轮,游船。

2. parrot: 鹦鹉。

3. give away: 泄露,告发。

4. spin: 使旋转。

5. boo: 嘘(某人),向……喝倒彩。

6. wand: (魔术师用的)魔杖;vanish: 消失,突然不见。

7. burst out: 突然说出。

8. bilingual: 能说两种语言的。

9. equal opportunity employer: 提供平等机会的雇主,即雇主对每个应聘者都一视同仁,机会均等。

10. trot: 小跑。

11. receptionist: 前台接待员;wag: 摇摆,摇动;whine: 呜呜地叫。

12. typewriter: 打字机;proceed to: 接着做某事(尤指令人惊奇或讨厌的事)。

13. stun: 大吃一惊。

14. execute: 实行,执行;flawlessly: 无缺点地,完美地。

15. dumbfounded: 惊得目瞪口呆的。

16. paw: (动物的)爪子。

17. meow: 咪,喵(猫叫声)。

18. cheeseburger: 干酪汉堡包,在里面或上面加有干酪或碎牛肉。

19. shoot: 射击,该词作名词时还有“(植物的)芽,苗,嫩枝”的意思,大熊猫吃的竹笋在英文中就叫bamboo shoot,因而这则笑话对shoot一词用了巧妙的双关。

20. leaf through: 迅速翻阅。

21. leaves: 即leaf(叶子)的复数形式,leave作动词还有“离开”之意。

22. stranded: (人或交通工具)搁浅的,被滞留的。

23. wind down: 转动曲柄把(汽车等的窗子)摇下。


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